My Sleep Schedule Is Sh*t

“My sleep schedule is so messed up, I don’t know how I’ll be able to fix it” — Anonymous

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Dear readers,

Not your inspiration quote you may be used to from me, but, hey, I relate to it.

My sleep schedule is so messed up that I don’t think I can fix it. I know I should be positive and say, “if I put in time and effort, then I can do it,” but I don’t think I can. Let me tell you why.

My health is fucking shit.

So my messed up sleep schedule started about a year ago. My head became so fucking sensitive to the point where any pressure I put on it hurt. That meant sleeping on my back or sides wasn’t an option. I can’t for the life of me understand how people sleep on their stomachs. When I try to, I feel like I am crushing my lungs and can’t breathe properly. I don’t even understand where to place my head. Like if I turn so my cheek is on the pillow, then my neck hurts. If I put it on my arms, my arms fall asleep and become sore the next day. Like I don’t understand, my mom and one of my best friends sleeps on their stomach, and every time I see them sleep like that, I have to pause and wonder how that’s even comfortable.

So stomach sleeping, no go.

So, my back and both sides are the only options. Now, most of the pain of my headaches is usually in the back, so it hurts the most while sleeping on my back, so I reverted to sleeping on my sides. Issue. My temples also hurt after a while, so I switch every few minutes. Constantly moving like that and feeling pain in my head has made falling asleep much harder. I would take an hour or two to fall asleep, and when I do, it’s not a very restful sleep.

I then talked to my doctor, who told me to take Melatonin. I did, and it worked wonders for the first week and then I had to increase the dosage again and again and again. It reached the point where I was taking about 10 mg a night to try and fall asleep; some nights, it worked, and others didn’t. I think my body may have gotten used to the vitamin, and now it doesn’t have much or any effects on me anymore. Remember, I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know how accurate that statement is.

About a year later, she told me I didn’t have to take it anymore if it was not working. So I stopped. I’m no longer on any Melatonin.

The next issue with my sleeping is my thigh muscles started to hurt. Like it got numb and tingly and made it uncomfortable to stay still and fall asleep. I did research and stretches before I went to bed, which helped a bit but wasn’t that helpful.

At the time, I didn’t know why that happened, but present-day Laura thinks it was just the beginning of what I’m dealing with now.

But going back, I would take a few hours to sleep, wake up for school and be dead tired. When the pandemic happened, waking up was a struggle because I would fall asleep so late (not by choice), so everything got thrown through a loop.

Fast forward two years, and I am now in university, having moved away from my family and living in an apartment with people I don’t know.

My sleep schedule — believe it or not — got worse. The thigh muscle tenseness and tingly feeling evolved into seizure-like movements. If you remember my COVID experience post, I talked about what COVID brought out in my body, and it was this. I call it Sammy. I didn’t know what to call it, and to say “seizure-like movements but not an actual seizure at night” was such a mouth full that I just gave it a name. Sometimes Jimmy would come when my entire body would jump as if I was shocked by something, and sometimes Tommy when one limb would twitch.

All of that made falling asleep even worse because my entire body would feel like shit, and Sammy — who shows up the most — would stick around for at least two to four hours before — what I think — my body fell asleep from exhaustion.

Now because of this, my actual sleep hasn’t gotten worse, and I wake up mid-day because I end up falling asleep around four, maybe even five AM.

Since I am so tired, I would sometimes pass out mid-day. I would do work one second, and then I wake up confused the next. I am not a napping type of person. I never was until my depression showed up, and I was always tired.

These naps are never planned. I fall asleep and wake up an hour or two later, confused about why I have fallen asleep.

With random-ass naps in the middle of the day, it makes falling asleep even more complicated than it already is, and a weird circle of being awake at night and sleeping during the day began.

Trying to change it is hard because Sammy, Jimmy, and Tommy are still present and don’t allow me to sleep until the early hours.

I saw a doctor for this (again) and will return next week when I explain how that went.

Thank you for reading; I hope you have a fantastic day or night or whenever you’re reading this.

A. B💜

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The reason for the bow and arrow emojis is that I found this explanation of the bow and arrow and fell in love. One can take any symbol to mean whatever they want, so your meaning of a bow and arrow might differ from mine, and that’s okay. A bow and arrow help me keep my hope and determination in my future. An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it will launch you into something extraordinary. Just remember to focus and keep your aim.